Posts

Domestic Violence Awareness Month (DVAM) was launched nationwide in October 1987 as a way to connect and unite individuals and organizations working on domestic violence issues while raising awareness for those issues. Over the past 30+ years, much progress has been made to support domestic violence victims and survivors, to hold abusers accountable, and to create and update legislation to further those goals. 

According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, on average, nearly 20 people per minute are physically abused by an intimate partner in the United States. During one year, this equates to more than 10 million women and men. 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have experienced some form of physical violence by an intimate partner and 1 in 7 women and 1 in 25 men have been injured by an intimate partner.

Anyone can be an abuser. They come from all groups, all cultures, all religions, all economic levels, and all backgrounds. They can be your neighbor, your pastor, your friend, your child’s teacher, a relative, a coworker — anyone. One study found 90% of abusers do not have criminal records and abusers are generally law-abiding outside the home. 

What Traits Do Abusers Have in Common?

There is no one typical, detectable personality of an abuser. However, they do often display common characteristics. 

  • An abuser often denies the existence or minimizes the seriousness of the violence and its effect on the victim and other family members.
  • An abuser objectifies the victim and often sees them as their property or sexual objects.
  • An abuser has low self-esteem and feels powerless and ineffective in the world. He or she may appear successful, but internally, they feel inadequate.
  • An abuser externalizes the causes of their behavior. They blame their violence on circumstances such as stress, their partner’s behavior, a “bad day,” on alcohol, drugs, or other factors.
  • An abuser may be pleasant and charming between periods of violence and is often seen as a “nice person” to others outside the relationship. 

What Are the “Warning Signs” of an Abuser?

Red flags and warning signs of an abuser include but are not limited to:

  • Extreme jealousy
  • Possessiveness
  • Unpredictability
  • A bad temper
  • Cruelty to animals
  • Verbal abuse
  • Extremely controlling behavior
  • Antiquated beliefs about roles of women and men in relationships
  • Forced sex or disregard of their partner’s unwillingness to have sex
  • Sabotage of birth control methods or refusal to honor agreed upon methods
  • Blaming the victim for anything bad that happens
  • Sabotage or obstruction of the victim’s ability to work or attend school
  • Controls all the finances
  • Abuse of other family members, children or pets
  • Accusations of the victim flirting with others or having an affair
  • Control of what the victim wears and how they act
  • Demeaning the victim either privately or publicly
  • Embarrassment or humiliation of the victim in front of others
  • Harassment of the victim at work

It’s important to know the signs and seek help! You are not in this alone.

For anonymous, confidential help available 24/7, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY) now.

HOPE IS HERE

If you’re struggling with domestic abuse or would like to refer someone you know, we’d love to speak to you further. HOPE is here. Contact us today.

References: https://ncadv.org/signs-of-abuse

https://ncadv.org/STATISTICS

https://ncadv.org/

Photo Courtesy of dailymail.co.uk

            In the times that we live in with Social Media and the Internet providing what feels like immediate access to our favorite stars/sports players, our children feel more “connected” to them than ever. This may have been evident for many who felt the loss of famed Basketball Player, Kobe Bryant. Grief was felt around the globe for his sudden loss of life in such a tragic way. Internet, TV, and Social Media platforms give fans the opportunity to live alongside their Idols as well as find out quickly when tragedy happens. This type of sudden tragedy creates an effect often referred to as Vicarious Trauma.

Vicarious Trauma

        Vicarious trauma is described as traumatization experienced by secondhand exposure to an event. For example, learning of the tragic loss of a child/teen’s idol, whether it be musician, athlete, actor, or member of their community through a media platform or otherwise is an example of this type of trauma. This exposure can produce a range of emotions including grief, fear, and discomfort. A range of stress symptoms may also be noticed including numbing, re-experiencing finding out about the loss, heightened anxiety, increased tearfulness, troubles with focus and attention, etc.  With our children often finding out about events before we do, how can we support them in working through some of these hard feelings?

Photo courtesy of buzz-caribbean.com

Supporting our Children and Teens through these Hard Emotions

          Often a caregiver’s response to grief or discomfort in their child is to want to “fix”. This is natural and has its place but listed below are some tips on being with your child in the hard times and empowering self-awareness and healing rather than “fixing”.

  •  Often with hard emotions of this nature just simply listening is often sufficient and what is needed in the moment. This type of active listening can be healing in itself as children process through these hard emotions.
  • Encourage your child to talk about their feelings.  Do not be afraid to have these hard conversations. Ignoring and avoiding bringing up the grief does not produce healing.
  • Approach with curiosity. Seek to understand how they have been impacted.
  • Do not be afraid to share with them how you have been impacted as well as healthy ways you are coping (exercise, journaling, art, etc.)
  • Validate your child/teen’s feelings. “I understand this is really hard for you and how much you looked up to them.”

      Lastly, if stress symptoms start to feel overwhelming or as though they are impacting daily life it is important to seek out professional Mental Health support. At Georgia HOPE we specialize in providing Mental Health Services such as Individual and Family counseling as well as Community Support Services among other things! Please do not hesitate to reach out and let us know how we can help you and your child.  HOPE is here!

 Written by Jennifer Cooper MS, LPC, RPT, NCC